----------------------------------------------------------------- P R E F A C E ------------- A lot of Yankees might have been thinking I lack a sense of humor. This is of course completely wrong. Actually, I was simply too busy to joke in the past. Now with all my official po- sitions resigned, I finally got time to work out the following jokes. I hope all of you could enjoy them like we did here. A few days ago, I called all the staffs and officials working in the Great Hall of the People together to listen to these jokes. The hall all roared with laughter like a hell. Jiang Zemin laughed so hard that he even rolled all over the floor, while Li Peng was only able to pretend laughing in a bitter and unwilling way. Whatever your reactions would be to these jokes, please remember that the famous Deng Xiaoping's law holds everywhere universally, namely: (1) If you get the kick, you are promised a candidacy for the future position of Jiang Zemin; (2) If you don't, you are as stupid as Li Peng; (3) If you want to be a noisy donkey, shut up! (4) If you don't like them, you die! I would like to post them to SCC for the first time, for the sake of a few ugly Chinamans I like. I may asked my friend to forward them to rec.humor later. Bon jour! Deng Xiaoping Beijing, China A Chinese worker was turned to police by his brother after June 4th crackdown. He was reported to have said ``Li Peng looks very stupid sometimes!'' when watching TV with his brother. However, the cops were too busy on searching for those fugitive elites to deal with such a trivial thing. They decided that they would release this guy if he made an statement to correct what he al- legedly had said. So he was finally freed with a correct state- ment -- ``Li Peng does not look very stupid sometimes.'' ---------------------------------------------------- Beijing's hard-line President Yang Shangkun finally came up with an idea to retaliate the economical sanction imposed by the US in protesting China's violation of human rights. In his letter to President Bush brought back by the US special envoy, President Yang threatened that, if the current deteriorated Sino-US rela- tionship continued, China would consider to cut off the export of broccoli to the United States. ---------------------------------------------------- Q: How many Chinese students does it take to change a light bulb? A: About 5,000 in late 1986 when they tossed away Hu Yaobang and Zhao Ziyang was the new light bulb; about 100,000 in mid-1989 when they tossed away Zhao Ziyang and Jiang Zemin was the new light bulb. ---------------------------------------------------- During his recent summit trip to USSR, China's hard-line premier Li Peng had been warmly welcomed by the country where he once spent several years as a Chinese abroad student. Naturally, he would seize every opportunity to show off his knowledge of Rus- sian language. Here his eyes happened to be caught by this book <> (The Forging of Steel) of Nikolai Os- trovski on the Russian literature shelf during a visit to the biggest bookstore in Moscow with Gorbachev and other Soviet VIP's. He then told Gorby that this book would be very valuable to China's iron & steel industry if it were translated into Chinese. However, Arkhipov, the first chairman of the Soviet Council of Ministers kindly reminded his Chinese guest of that this book had been already translated into Chinese entitled <> and it was loved by many Chinese youth even way back when he was then an expert to China in 1950's. For breaking up the embarrassment, Gorbachev joked Arkhipov,``Comrade, I hope you hadn't made the impression that it was our beloved hero Ostrovski who should be blamed for Mao's failure of his Steel Campaign in the Great Leap Forward period.'' ----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------ Copyright (C) by Deng Xiaoping, 1990 ------------------------------------------------ All rights reserved under Beijing International Copyright Bureau. Permit is guaranteed to any individual who wants to distribute or reproduce for non-commercial purpose, under the condition that the entirety of the work is preserved and this copyright notice is included. ------------------------------------------------ ObJoke: Why did the chicken cross the road? To get the Chinese newspaper. Get it? No. Me neither. I get the New York Times. ---------------------------------------------------- The current premier of China Li Peng is quite stupid. He was sent to Soviet Union to study engineering when he was young. On the first day of his arrival at the city, a Russian comrade accompanied him on the street.The comrade told Li Peng that according to traffic rules cars must use the right half of the road. Li Peng was puzzled: Who will use the left half? ---------------------------------------------------- Walking down the street I came upon a store front with a sign reading Ole Olsen's Chinese Laundry. Curious, I entered. I asked the old Chinese man behind the counter who Ole Olson was. He said that he was Ole Olsen. He then proceeded to tell me the story how he became Ole Olsen. When he came to this country in the old days, he was in a very long line at the department of immigration. He finally got near the front of the line and heard the immigration officer ask the fellow in front of him, "Name?" Ole Olsen, came the reply. Next was his turn. "Name?" So he told him his name, "Sam Ting." Ever since then he has been known as Ole Olsen. ----------------------------------------------------